people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
