id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize