I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
