then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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