Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
