I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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