hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Im part way to drunk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
