well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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