I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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