He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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