I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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