hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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