Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
