Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
