She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
