im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
