I will die if light touches me.
she woke up with a sticky ear
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
