also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this beer tastes like vomit already
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
