It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
