If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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