that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
