I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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