I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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