yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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