My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
