I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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