2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What a dumb baby whore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
