Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
