the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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