I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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