i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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