Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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