Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
