The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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