I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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