so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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