the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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