Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
