she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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