Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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