hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
3pm strippers are depressing
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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