Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
