Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
