I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My dick has a subreddit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
