Are we in a gay sports bar?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
false alarm. still invincible.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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