youre lurking in front of me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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