You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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