: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
