Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
