Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
