you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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