Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
