Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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