Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
