four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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