Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
