Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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