I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
