I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
