You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
