I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
