now i know why i became what i already was.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
