i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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