you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
