look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
