I think I died a long time ago.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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