can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
