seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
