Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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