she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
