fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I wish I only lived at night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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