the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
