i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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