Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
