If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize