I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
