And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
