I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
