you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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