is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
