Too much gin, very little bucket
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
