Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is wine microwaveable?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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