if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Acid is not a monday night drug
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
