May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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