Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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