i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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