my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
