uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm just crazy horny about you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
