Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
